Scrolling away my sexual desire
One simple gesture that affects my pleasure
11/21/20252 min read
The past few years I realised that I wasn't particularly interested in sex anymore. I rarely fantasised about it, I didn't feel much desire to initiate anything and even when I had free time, intimacy was usually the last thing on my mind.
I blamed stress, getting tired from studies and side jobs and I also thought it could be part of growing adult.
Then, during a coaching conversation, we started talking about how I spent my evenings.
I explained that I usually got home, had dinner and relaxed with my phone. Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, sometimes a dating app. Nothing particularly unusual.
When I started describing how much time I actually spent doing that, I felt a bit ashamed. I have always been aware that during the day I had the habit of scrolling like most of my friends but never realised how intense that was.
I could easily spend two hours scrolling without remembering much of what I had watched. Sometimes I would go to bed intending to sleep and find myself still holding the phone an hour later.
The coach asked me something quite simple: when was the last time I had spent an evening with nothing competing for my attention?
I genuinely couldn't remember.
I decided to try something for a couple of weeks. No scrolling in bed and no social media during the last hour of the evening. The first evenings were naturally uncomfortable. I kept reaching for my phone without thinking. I felt bored and frustrated and didn't really know what to do with myself.
After a while, things started to change. I began reading again, taking longer showers and spending more time just lying in bed without doing anything. I also noticed that my mind started wandering in ways it hadn't for a long time.
Sometimes I thought about sex. Other times I wanted to flirt, be close to someone or simply enjoy being touched.
My interest in intimacy slowly returned and with the coach we concludeed that I can't say that my phone was the only reason my sexual desire had become so low. But I could see how much of my attention I had been giving away every day.
I still use social media and I still waste time scrolling occasionally. The difference is that I now notice when I'm doing it automatically. And I try to leave a little space in my day for the things I actually want to experience.