How guilt affected my orgasms
I learned how my sex education influences my pleasure
7/16/20251 min read
I thought I had a fairly normal relationship with sex. I enjoyed it, I could have orgasms and I never considered myself someone with a particular problem. Still, there was something I couldn't quite explain.
Even when I was enjoying myself, part of my attention was somewhere else. I would think about how I looked, whether I was taking too long or what the other person was thinking. And sometimes, immediately after an orgasm, I would feel strangely embarrassed.
It wasn't a dramatic feeling. More like a little voice telling me I shouldn't have enjoyed it quite so much, or other times a feeling of emptyness.
During coaching, we spent few sessions talking about where that feeling might have come from. I realised that growing up, pleasure had never really been discussed as something positive. Sex was either something private that nobody mentioned or something people made jokes about.
I had never questioned how much of that attitude I had carried into my life.
One conversation stayed with me. We were discussing why I found it difficult to receive attention without feeling that I should give something back. I recognised the same behaviour in other parts of my life. Even accepting a compliment could make me uncomfortable.
I started paying attention to these reactions instead of immediately trying to get rid of them.
Slowly, I became more comfortable taking my time. I stopped worrying so much about reaching an orgasm and started noticing the sensations that came before it. Sometimes I would simply allow myself to enjoy a moment without wondering what should happen next.
I noticed little by little how different my orgasms began to feel.
They became more intense, and I could sometimes feel the pleasure lasting longer rather than disappearing almost immediately. I also began enjoying the moments afterwards, which previously had been when the embarrassment appeared.
Of course, it doesn't happen every time. I still get distracted, and sometimes those old thoughts return, but I easily accept them and create more space for the new positive ones.